Who am I?
Being a good girl is not much fun. Ask anyone who knows me and he or she will describe me as responsible. Bearing a strong sense of right and wrong, I dislike making poor decisions. As a result, I sometimes agonize over what should be uncomplicated deliberations (i.e. what to wear, what to order at a restaurant, etc.)
What I want to know is why I am tethered to morality while others around me do as they please without any remorse? How do they do it? Where do they (if ever) draw the line? There really is no line (like no spoon in the Matrix). We create ethical boundaries based on comfort level.
If there truly is no spoon, I should have no issue re-directing focus into fulfilling my wants and needs. The difficulty is that years of indoctrination have us believing that not only is there a spoon, but it is unbend-able. Taking it a step further, I believe the spoon is also necessary to feed (take care of) those I love.
The reality created for and by me, puts others well-being above my own. Continuing spoon feeding people and avoiding disappointing them, behaviors become enabled. In this thought cycle, they do not grow independent enough to take/leave their own spoon and fulfill their own lives.
Do I have to be the good girl?
There is nothing wrong with doing the right thing, but who is to say what is fair? Similar to the spoon, it is up to me to decide what is real and what my reaction will be. Do I stare at it hoping it will bend? Pick up the spoon and feed loved ones? Or maybe I will place it in the dishwasher with the other dirty utensils?
Inhibiting happiness based on fear of disappointing others is no way to live. If that is what being good entails, I will leave good (and the spoon) behind.
There is no good girl; only me.
Good, bad, spoon, fork, blah blah blah… I refuse to grant anyone permission to define me anymore. I am not immoral, nor virtuous, I simply am.