Miriam Gomberg

Being the Good Girl

good girl

Who am I?

Being a good girl is not much fun. Ask anyone who knows me and he or she will describe me as responsible. Bearing a strong sense of right and wrong, I dislike making poor decisions. As a result, I sometimes agonize over what should be uncomplicated deliberations (i.e. what to wear, what to order at a restaurant, etc.)

What I want to know is why I am tethered to morality while others around me do as they please without any remorse? How do they do it? Where do they (if ever) draw the line? There really is no line (like no spoon in the Matrix). We create ethical boundaries based on comfort level.

There is no spoon

If there truly is no spoon, I should have no issue re-directing focus into fulfilling my wants and needs. The difficulty is that years of indoctrination have us believing that not only is there a spoon, but it is unbend-able. Taking it a step further, I believe the spoon is also necessary to feed (take care of) those I love.

The reality created for and by me, puts others well-being above my own. Continuing spoon feeding people and avoiding disappointing them, behaviors become enabled. In this thought cycle, they do not grow independent enough to take/leave their own spoon and fulfill their own lives.

Do I have to be the good girl?

There is nothing wrong with doing the right thing, but who is to say what is fair? Similar to the spoon, it is up to me to decide what is real and what my reaction will be. Do I stare at it hoping it will bend? Pick up the spoon and feed loved ones? Or maybe I will place it in the dishwasher with the other dirty utensils?

Inhibiting happiness based on fear of disappointing others is no way to live. If that is what being good entails, I will leave good (and the spoon) behind.

There is no good girl; only me.

Good, bad, spoon, fork, blah blah blah… I refuse to grant anyone permission to define me anymore. I am not immoral, nor virtuous, I simply am.

This entry was published on July 8, 2012 at 6:30 am. It’s filed under Personal Brand, Random and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

9 thoughts on “Being the Good Girl

  1. Breakthrough shit here

  2. Cheers, Miriam. The only people whose opinions matter are the ones whose opinions you care about.

    • Good point Marc. The problem I have found is that in the past, I have put too much emphasis on everyone’s opinion but my own. Loved ones or not, it’s time to listen to my inner-monologue. Thanks for commenting Marc!

  3. I agree Miriam.. We decide what is right and wrong for ourselves, unfortunately we have based our life and happiness on others rather than ourselves and that will not bring us happiness.. We must be who we are without sacrificing our own needs.. I find it not the easiest thing to balance.. but am working on it as well.. As Marc above has said “The only people whose opinions matter are the ones whos opinions we care about” .. Much love to you

    • Shauna, this has been a painful lesson for me. Putting myself first is certainly not a an easy task and I slip up constantly. I believe this is all based on a common lie of inadequacy. Once the lie is let go, healing can begin. Thanks for stopping by! Miriam

  4. Do refuse to grant anyone permission to define you and you’ve won the race! The sharing is liberating. 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: