Miriam Gomberg

talking out of your ass

uncomfortable silence

What do you do, when you don’t know what to say? Is it better to wait patiently for someone else to break the tension, or start babbling just to stop the silence from continuing? Do you enjoy the sound of your own voice more than anyone else? If you suffer from these or other various symptoms, you probably have a case of talking out of your ass.

don't say anything

don’t say anything

The Urban Dictionary defines talking out of your ass as:

Words produced from a man that does not know what he is talking about. Often in an attempt to offer assistance with some type of problem or dilemma. The dialog usually is nonsensical and is of no help. It is often just made up bullshit with no basis in fact.

Urban Dictionary


commence ass-talking

Recently I was at a friend’s party sipping a glass of Pinot laughing and talking with other guests when this new guy (don’t even remember his name, so I will call him Buddy) entered the room and joined in. (insert suspense music here)

Hey, I love meeting and chatting with new people, but Buddy had a way of clearing a room. What is it with some people who think they have to know something about everything?

No matter the topic, Buddy had a comment or two ready. Maybe he was a real-life renaissance man?  I never believed (and still don’t) that one person could be an expert in so many subjects.

proceed talking out of your ass

Time stood still as I listened to Buddy and his rantings about:

  • YouTube
  • Self-Help
  • Psychology
  • Male Models
  • Female Models
  • The perils of quitting smoking while pregnant
  • Wine
  • Facebook
  • Google

I’m sure there was more, but at some point, I stopped listening. I  fought the urge to shout out one-word topics just to see what he would say. My friend and I began texting back and forth while sitting next to one another questioning if he would ever stop. BTW,  I know it is rude to text while at a party, but the situation was way too funny not to share with her.

lesson learned: sometimes it is OK to say nothing

Buddy did not appear eloquent or even the least bit intelligent. I couldn’t wait to get away from him and his nonsense. Buddy was probably harmless, and may have even been a nice guy to know, but I could not get past the rabid ass-talking.

If he wanted to impress me with his knowledge and/or witty conversational abilities, Buddy should have stopped trying so hard. Inauthentic ass-talking is a major turn off.

How would you react to someone talking out of his ass? Share your stories or helpful hints. You need not be an expert in everything to reply.


This entry was published on December 10, 2012 at 11:20 pm. It’s filed under Random and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

9 thoughts on “talking out of your ass

  1. Social anxiety manifesting itself in the form of overcompensation. Wanted to make a grand entrance like a prince but fell flat like a troll. lol

  2. Rofl.. I absolutely love your posts.. I can just see this happening.

  3. Wish I was with ya Miriam. I’d have pulled an Old Blue’s on him for your entertainment.

    At my last dinner out with Old Blue and others, our Buddy sat at the next table listening intently to the conversation. Soon he was interjecting long-winded opinions. Old Blue (my beloved late dad) welcomed his company and then assumed a new personality.

    Always polite, Blue talked over Buddy’s every word about such fine movies as “The Killing of Ceasar Palatchi.) He felt “conkotubligerus” over a “pondifible influx of intellectables in Saint Vlababula.”

    “Buddy” grew silent, folded his arms and nodded with understanding. But in minutes, he grabbed a waiter, thew him some cash and ran from the cafe like a man on fire.

    Oh I still laugh at that. By the way, our Buddy was a physics professor at an exclusive academy nearby.

    Thanks for a great share.


  4. Excuse my typos. ugh

  5. I usually walk away from it… If I can’t get a word in on a conversation, I recuse myself… It’s possible that Buddy knows a lot about the subjects but the problem is that he didn’t give others a chance to talk….always in bad form. 😦

    • Walking away is a good idea but not always possible. I was at a birthday party for one of my best friends. Whenever I would get up and change rooms, he always seemed to be there moments later. Luckily, I haven’t seen him since.

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