Imagine…chatting with a group of friends over a glass of wine. Conversations volley from one person to another. Topics range from work, romance, life in general, and family.
These are all safe topics for polite conversation. I learned never to talk about religion or politics with those whom I disagree with. Makes sense to me. Who needs the inevitable argument which springs forth from these taboo themes.
so far, so good. right?
One of the many benefits to having no inner monologue is saying what I feel before thinking it through. Considering myself more proactive than reactive, all that goes out the window the moment a trigger is pulled.
Did I mention the topic of family?
When someone mentions parenting, I have a completely visceral reaction. My pulse quickens and whatever filter may be floating around dissipates as my blood boils. Next thing I know, SPLAT! Verbal diarrhea begins.
There is something so intrusive about comments regarding
my parenting skills. It doesn’t matter who the remark is directed towards, the reaction is the same. I want to grab the person by the shoulders and tell her to shut it.
Perfect parents are an urban myth. Even the Brady Bunch had problems at times. Having someone else point out
my your one’s flaws doesn’t help matters.
bang bang goes the trigger
If you haven’t yet figured this out, I encountered one of these remarks recently. No, I didn’t smack my friend. It took me a few minutes to realize why I reacted so strongly.
Immediately I felt threatened and defensive. What gives? It wasn’t like it was even intended for me. Geez.
it’s not you…
Only the best breakup line ever! In this moment, it was completely appropriate.
The reality is, my response really had nothing to do with the friend at all, or her comment. I needed to own my shit and not put my reaction on her or anyone else for that matter.
Wow! What a huge learning moment. Once able to step back and comprehend the trigger, I could put it into perspective. I still blurted a witty (at least I thought it was at the time) retort.
The biggest victory for me was feeling OK in the moment. There were no playbacks in my head where I reacted differently.
Don’t you just hate when that happens? I wake up after tossing and turning only to be plagued with a scenario that somehow went wrong. Or is it just me?
Maybe that whole spiritual journey stuff is actually working. I was not responsible for the utterance of friends. The only thing I could control was how I reacted.
the trigger in you
What triggers give you whiplash? Like me is it the inappropriate comment about how one parents? If and when you feel these triggers, what is your reaction? Share your thoughts and personal triggers.